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Life

Giving Less to Give More

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I am, by definition, a giver.

Every day, I write “Give to receive” at the top of my to-do list. I wear a bracelet engraved with the same phrase. I give my time, advice, and yes, physical gifts — usually of the handmade variety — more often than I don’t.

In fact, “giving” accounts for almost 50% of my time spent at work, according to my time tracking tool.

So when a mentor told me I needed to learn to give less, I didn’t know how to respond.

I’ve been told to give less many times. I’m a chronic over-committer who often works myself into a frenzied state of exhaustion trying to live out my personal values around generosity and service.

Over a year ago, health concerns related to stress and fatigue forced me to evaluate my choices. I came to understand that if I give until there’s nothing left of me, I won’t be able to give anymore at all. That’s why since then, I’ve been disciplined about carving out time for myself and learning when to say no, or at the very least, setting boundaries around when and how I can give.

But my mentor wasn’t telling me to give less to take better care of myself.

She pointed to my head as she said, “Keep some of that to yourself. Give away fewer thoughts.”

After replaying this conversation in my mind more times than I care to share, I finally realized she wasn’t saying “Talk less, smile more” to protect myself, à la Aaron Burr in Hamilton.

Instead, she was encouraging me to ask why I felt the need to go so above and beyond in every explanation, client project, and group training I delivered. In other words, she was nudging me towards a more mindful giving, one that is fundamentally selfless.

Read the complete report.

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